Proposed Amendment to the Ten Commandments

Admittedly, I wrote this in my newly-saved days, in response to all of the email forwards I was getting. But I thought it was pretty funny then, and I happened across it today, and I still think it's pretty funny:

The Lord’s House Bill No. 0001

AN ACT of the LORD GOD ALMIGHTY, relating to the distribution, dissemination, and/or duplication of electronic message transmittals (e-mails) the subject of which is, involves, or in any manner relates to the Lord God Almighty, the Son Jesus Christ, the Holy Spirit, the believers and followers thereof, and/or any combination thereof.


The HOLY BIBLE, OLD COVENANT and NEW COVENANT, the Books of THE EXODUS, Chapter 20; THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO SAINT MATTHEW, Chapter 34; and THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO SAINT MARK, Chapter 12 are hereby amended as follows:

THE EXODUS, Chapter 20:1. And God spoke all these words: 20:2 “I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. 20:3 “You shall have no other gods before me. 20:4 “You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. 20:5 You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, 20:6 but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments. 20:7 “You shall not misuse the name of the LORD your God, for the LORD will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses his name. 20:8 “Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. 20:9 Six days you shall labor and do all your work, 20:10 but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the LORD your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your manservant or maidservant, nor your animals, nor the alien within your gates. 20:11 For in six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy. 20:12 “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you. 20:13 “You shall not murder. 20:14 “You shall not commit adultery. 20:15 “You shall not steal. 20:16 “You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor. 20:17 “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his manservant or maidservant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.” 20:18 “You shall not delete any e-mail you receive concerning me or my kingdom and you shall immediately forward same to all of your neighbors. 20:18 20:19 When the people saw the thunder and lightning and heard the trumpet and saw the mountain in smoke, they trembled with fear. They stayed at a distance Ex 20:19 and said to Moses, “Speak to us yourself and we will listen. But do not have God speak to us or we will die.”

THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO MATTHEW, Chapter 22:34. Hearing that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, the Pharisees got together. 22:35 One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: 22:36 “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” 22:37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ 22:38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 22:39 And tThe second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ 22:40 And the third is: ‘Forward all e-mails you receive about me and my Father to all your neighbors that you may prove your love.’ 22:4022:41 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two three commandments.”

THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO MARK, Chapter 12:28. One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, “Of all the commandments, which is the most important?” 12:29 “The most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. 12:30 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ 12:31 The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ 12:32 The third is this: ‘Forward all e-mails you receive about me and my father to your neighbors out of love. There is no commandment greater than these.” 12:32 12:33 “Well said, teacher,” the man replied. “You are right in saying that God is one and there is no other but him. 12:33 To love him with all your heart, with all your understanding and with all your strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself is more important than all burnt offerings and sacrifices.”

If anyone is interested in printing this, here is the pdf file (The Lord's House Bill).


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