Posts Tagged Humor

Top 5 Silly Songs with Larry-No. 5: Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything

In honor of the What’s in the Bible? Giveaway I announced yesterday, I am counting down the Top 5 Silly Songs with Larry (the “Silly Songs” are my favorite VeggieTales skits).

I will be posting one a day for the next five days with a break on Sunday, and on Monday I will announce the winner of the giveaway and post my reviews of the first two DVDs in the What’s in the Bible? series.

I know people are passionate about their favorite Silly Song, so I hope yours made the list. Check back daily to find out.

Number 5: Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything.

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Ode to Texas

Texas, fight. Texas, fight,
in the title game.
For it is a BCS championship
that you shall claim.
To Colt, Mack, Bevo
and all the rest,
all that is expected
is your very best.
So that when it is all over,
and the stands have cleared,
may it be to Alabama,
the worst they could have feared.
Not because they are unworthy,
or likely cheating again,
but because I’m a selfish fellow,
and I really want UT to WIN!

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5 Christian Buzz Words that Need to be Re-Defined

Following yesterday’s 5 Sources of Bad Theology, I thought I’d mention a few buzz words that we need to re-define. And not so much re-define as just take back. But here goes:

5. Moral/Morality – Despite efforts of organizations like the Moral Majority, the fight for “morality” is a lost cause. Why? Because it labels everything and everyone else “immoral,” or worse yet, “amoral.” And when you do, someone who was moral does something immoral and tries to explain why the immoral act was actually amoral and it’s a great big morality mess. Let the philosophers have it back, and let’s worry about changing hearts rather than changing behavior.

4. Born Again – I know Jesus said it, and I believe it is absolutely necessary, but we Christians should really evaluate whether we are indeed “born again.” Lest we be born again, we cannot enter the kingdom of God, and lest we be born of water and of the Spirit, we cannot. Going to Church doesn’t make you born again. I went to church for years completely ignorant of this, as do many, I’m sure.

3. Believer – I have many friends who are “believers,” but very few of us actually believe the same thing. “She’s a believer, but her husband is not…,” “Is he a believer?,” “Are her parent’s believers?” Sound familiar? “Believer” is not an item on a checklist to be checked off thereby making someone okay and/or acceptable. And what if your believer daughter is dating a believer boyfriend, but he “believes” at a church that belongs to a differently believing denomination. Do you know who, often times, most need ministering? Believers! Why? Because they don’t really believe, or they don’t know what they believe. Believe me!

2. Pray/Prayer/Praying – How often do you hear, “Pray for so-and-so…,” or “You can be in prayer for…,” or “How can we pray about…”? How often do those needs really get prayed for. I think this has become a very clever, religious way of venting, or worse, gossiping. I am a part of a study group that has determined not to let real prayer requests/needs go idly by. If you ask any of us for prayer, you’re getting it. Right then. Right there. Be it on the phone, in the grocery store, at the ball game, or wherever. Plus, I’m forgetful, so I have to do it right then or it won’t get done.

1. Evangelicals – Can I be perfectly honest? “Evangelicals” who evangelize everything and anything but the gospel really bug me. If you evangelize a political cause, you are political, not evangelical. If you evangelize a political cause and mask it as a religious one, you are clever, but still political. If you evanglize yourself (other than to promote your own little Bible blog), you should be ex-communicated. Why the “Moral Born Again Believers for Life” should take a stance on interstate highway funding is beyond me. But, it does suggest that they might be mildly more political than evangelical. So, let’s leave the “evangelical” stuff to those who actually preach the gospel, shall we?.

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5 Sources of Bad Theology

My readers know I do my best to bring the body of Christ together rather than to divide it, but there are still sources within the body of which we need to beware and be aware. Like where we develop our theology, doctrine, and overall belief system. Might I just suggest “5 Sources of Bad Theology”:

5. Television – I don’t mean TV preachers (although that is certainly a potential source, but, on the whole, they’re not bad), I mean television that is loosely about Christianity. And I love it. I watch the History and History International channels almost religously, but I rarely make it through a program without hearing a narrator say something like, “…as Christians believe.” No wonder people think we’re nuts.

4. Bumper Stickers – Stuff like “My boss is a Jewish Carpenter” always makes me chuckle. Really? Mine isn’t. My Lord and Savior might have been a carpenter or mason, but I don’t think we know that for sure. His earthly step-dad was, but I think it is pretty clear from scripture that Jesus was a rabbi. Now He’s our High Priest and a whole host of other really cool labels, but not “Carpenter.” How about this one, “The Best Vitamin for Christians is B1″? Shouldn’t that be the prescription for “non-Christians”?

3. T-shirts – see above.

2. Blogs – Gotcha! I don’t mean our blogs of course, I mean bloggers who set up straw-man Christian positions to argue against. A loving God wouldn’t do this, this contradicts that, yada, yada, yada. You know what I mean. And shame on us Christians for taking the bait. Arguing to disprove a lie is not the same as arguing from truth.

1. Christian Music – Now, admittedly, I listen. Our church’s worship service is contemporary, and I thoroughly enjoy it and approve of it. But, I don’t think I would trust my child’s Christian education to many contemporary Christian lyricists. I won’t offend by direct quotation, but I’m sure you know what I mean.

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A Lawyer Dies and Goes to Heaven Joke

A friend of mine from church emailed me this, and I just had to share:

A lawyer dies and goes to heaven. “This must be a mistake,” he says to St. Peter. “I’m too young to die. I’m only 50.”

St. Peter say raising and eyebrow, “Fifty? According to our calculations, you’re 82.”

“How’d you get that?” The Lawyer asked.

“We added up your billable hours.”

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Oh Crap! That was Funny!

The worship pastor at our church (who also happens to be accompanying my wife on her mission trip to Brazil) emailed this to my wife today regarding their full calendars, and I thought it was funny enough to share:

Oh CrapI hope REGAN will forgive any copyright infringement. If he would like, he can have all of the profits I’ve made off of this post.

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What if God had Texted the 10 Commandments

The youth at our church (RAMP – forgive me, I am out of the loop on this particular church acronym) are so clever. The result of said cleverness: Texting the 10 Commandments.

It’s quite entertaining, worth the short time it will take you to read it. There are a couple of versions, one original and the other attributed to someone else. Enjoy!

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You People are Funny!

I’ve mentioned the traffic boost because of satan searchers (here and here), and it’s still steady; but I post about the Sin Map and it goes through the roof – nearly doubling the views of any other post yesterday.

No wonder the Bible Belt is red with Lust and Envy.

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Random Thought for the Day

I was sitting with the Libster watching kids videos this morning, and I was reminded of my grade school English classes where we learned our vowels: A, E, I, O, U, and, of course, “sometimes Y.”

But, I also distinctinctly remember the second, less common addendum, “and sometimes W.” However, to this day, I have yet to come across an example of the W as a vowel. Has anyone? Or is this just a mythical idea someone heard once, and it has been repeated enough that it is now assumed to be true?

Can anyone give me an example?

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So Funny it Hurt…Others

To be so funny you cause someone pain is really quite something. I would imagine only the very best comedians are able to make such a claim. And I would imagine that only the truly elite are able to make such a claim using the written word.

So, to be so funny that you cause pain by proxy is really quite an achievement indeed. Last week, my post Don’t Bite Your Friends was apparently just such an achievement.

A very dear friend of mine who shall remain nameless (but the author of this blog) was reading the aforementioned post and was so overcome by the sheer comedic force thereof that he apparently blurted out to his spouse:

Peter Lopez is the funniest person I know.

The problem: such a statement necessarily displaces all others, said spouse included, from laying claim to that title.

Now, I’m sure you all are aware that in the law, the truth is an absolute defense to any form of defamation claim. So, while my friend may be factually correct in his assertion, and thereby free from any civil and/or criminal penalties, he is so busted at home. *Feel free to check out his blog and offer him words of comfort and consolation.*

For the sake of marriages everywhere, just know that I am perfectly satisfied with being the second funniest person any of you know.

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