Archive for category Humor

Top 10 Reasons People Go To Church

I am a part of a men’s group that meets weekly. We sort of take turns bringing a short message each week. A good friend, Doug Crum, who is a Pastor at 4th & Elm Church of Christ in Sweetwater, TX, brought this last week. It’s funny and worth your time. Enjoy!

Top 10 Reasons People Go to Church

10. Free babysitting!

9. Everybody’s doing it.

8. Old habits are hard to break.

7. There’s nothing good on Sunday morning TV.

6. Four words: all you can eat (between prayer breakfast, Pot luck dinners & ice cream suppers, going to church is like living on a cruise ship).

5. To show off my new outfit.

4. I want to be a good person.

3. To catch up on the latest gossip.

2. I don’t want to go to hell.

1. God has showered his creation with His unconditional love and I want to respond to that gift by praising Him, learning more about Him, and by surrounding myself with people who will encourage one another in our walk with Him.

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Smartphone User Stereotypes

I thought this was hilarious, despite being an iphone user. I saw it one CNET’s Technically Incorrect, but it was originally on C-Section Comics.

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The Difference Between Men and Women-When are Clothes Dirty?

I don’t know if this will turn into a series or not. It would be a fun series to write, but I don’t really want the pressure of another multi-part topic (I have so many unfinished as it is).

One peculiar difference between the sexes is that men and women have different ideas about when clothes are actually dirty.

For men, if a shirt is worn for an hour or two to a function with no heavy lifting or noticeable spills, clearly it is not. If it is worn a second time for an hour or two to dinner or to church, the question is closer, but the shirt is still good for another wear, right?

Not so for women. I’ll stop short of saying that merely trying on clothes requires a trip to the cleaners for those that didn’t make the cut, but that’s not too far off. I have actually witnessed a wife who shall remain nameless wear a jacket (over a blouse, mind you) to church for about 2 hours and wash it. Puzzling, to say the least.

This is obviously a generalization. I’m sure there are men who are less manly on this issue. If there are women who are moreso, I have never met them.

And clearly I’m biased, but the male perspective (as identified herein) seems far superior. It makes much more sense economically, environmentally, and ecologically. It is also more efficient.

Thoughts?

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Fishing With Moses

Hillarious!

Thanks to Joel who got it here.

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Death of the Salad Bar

I remember growing up and frequently going to restaurants with salad bars. There were a few in town that were known more for their salad bars than the food. Well, yesterday, my wife and I went to the last remaining restaurant in town with a salad bar…or so we thought.

When our server asked, “Are you ready to order?” We, being frequenters of this establishment, naturally answered that we were, and my wife ordered simply the salad bar. To which, our kind server replied, “We don’t have the salad bar anymore.”

“What?” we answered in amazement. The darn thing was so big and prominently featured as you enter the dining hall, how could we have missed it, or missed that it was missing?

And this was no ordinary salad bar, mind you. It was the salad bar most salad bars aspire to be. In addition to the feast of garden produce, there were various and sundry other salads, too: pastas, pea, potato, and many not beginning with “p” as well, such as crab (imitation, of course, but still), broccoli, among others.

And, soup, yes soup. Diners frequently planned their dining experiences around which soup was featured on which day. Chicken & rice on Sundays and chicken and dumplings on Tuesdays (I believe) were my favorites. And it was convenient. You didn’t have to go around to 12 tables shaking hands of all the after-church diners, everyone just met at the salad bar.

But, alas, the salad bar is no longer. It has been replaced with the tables from the party room evacuated to make way for the cocktail lounge. (Sigh!)

And not that we are fans of salad bars, per se. The thought of hundreds of diners breathing, or worse, coughing on and handling the utensils if not the very same food is not at all appealing. In fact, I can’t think of another restaurant we frequent with a salad bar, save for the salad-bar-only restaurants (Jason’s Deli and the like).

But, now that the salad bar is gone, I’m sad. I figure the whole town is in mourning. I guess we can all now have a drink and toast the salad bar. May it rest in peace.

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Complete Prayer System

Our pastor is away at a pastor’s conference, and he asked me to write his Monday Morning Review (his weekly blog) this week. I consider it an honor and a privilege when I’m permitted to do so.

In the past, I’ve taken a few liberties, but I’ve always been invited for a return engagement. This one, however, may get me fired from my substitute blogger job: Pastor Eric’s Complete Prayer System.

I may have had a little too much fun at his (and other pastors who employ acronyms as sermon tools) expense.

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And the winners are…

The winners of the What’s in the Bible? Giveaway are:

Chris Rodgers (Disc 1) and Jaci (Disc 2).

Hooray for Chris & Jaci!

Your gift certificates will be on their way directly.  A bit of advice (from previous winners), you will have better luck presenting the gift certificates at a Christian bookstore (such as Mardel, for example).

Thanks to everyone who participated.

Stay tuned for my reviews.

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Top 5 Silly Songs with Larry-No. 1: I Love My Lips

In honor of my What’s in the Bible? Giveaway, I am counting down the Top 5 Silly Songs with Larry of all time.

And the Number 1 Silly Song of all time is: I Love My Lips.


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Top 5 Silly Songs with Larry-No. 2: Dance of the Cucumber

In honor of my What’s in the Bible? Giveaway, I am counting down the Top 5 Silly Songs with Larry of all time.

Number 2: Dance of the Cucumber.

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Top 5 Silly Songs with Larry-No. 3: The Hairbrush Song

In honor of my What’s in the Bible? Giveaway, I am counting down the Top 5 Silly Songs with Larry of all time.

Number 3: The Hairbrush Song.

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